When the going gets tough...
I can barely hold up :( Fatigue is kicking in but this physical torture is nothing compared to the mental one I have to go through, starting today. Lord, please grant me the strength to keep going. I can't give up now. I need this. It will get better in time. Hahahha well done, I'm trying to convince myself.
I thank the boy for his continuous encouragement & patience :) He surprised me with breakfast (for today), yesterday. That silly one called to say "I'm lost somewhere in Cecil Street. Could you help me?" Hahahaha so because of him, I get to enjoy Barcook Bakery's finest raisin cheese bread this morning :) Thank you b!!! We must persevere! We can do this :)
Turtle's back. Meh.
I am so weird sometimes.
Devoured by emotional instability. Why? Beats me too.
Things that originally don't affect me, now does. I can't get this feeling off my back. It's like I know I shouldn't feel this way but somehow I still do. Honestly, I think it's ridiculous. It doesn't make sense. Am I starting to lean over too much? I don't want to be too reliant, nor be the possessive sort. I don't think I have much issues with the latter. So I gotta start being independent. I will! Prolly just disappointed; When you're looking forward to something but it gets taken away? Shitty eh? Okay I have decided that feeling this way is
LAME. I shall not allow it to take control!!!
I hope I find something that may inspire me to do great things that will last in the long run. I can't wait for Kelly to get back to me about the YMCA trips this year so I can plan my leave appropriately. It's been awhile since I last served a community. Brings me back to Chang Rai -- beautiful memories those were. And believe it or not, St John. I kinda miss having something to fight for, the 'want to achieve' that spurred me on to perform and/or outperform. & the feeling of fulfillment when you attain your goals... I don't think I can ever put it down in words. Not forgetting the lovely cadets, fellow officers & friendships forged. Oh, what great memories! Should I start committing again? Hmmm. Decisions, decisions.
Still crossing my fingers, hoping to receive a positive reply ASAP. I know they are pretty inefficient though & it sucks that waiting is the only thing I can do. Please pray for me too.
Guess what? I'm feeling much better already! I don't know how or why but WHEEEE! I feel good ~ Okay maybe not, but definitely a vast improvement! I will conquer you. Go away & no one gets hurt. Literally. HAHA.
Till the next,
Xx.
people,i thought,at least,
once were,before,forgot,
disappointed.
made me realise a whole lot more about everything.
the picture is much clearer & more complete.
when things happen, you start to see who are the ones who really gives a shit about you.
& who just pretends to.
i don't even know where to begin.
maybe i'm wrong, but something tells me i'm right.
thank you God for being my ultimate source of strength.
fun, love, excitement.
nevertheless, i had an awesome birthday! i have the bestest boyfriend in the world & i wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. like never, ever, ever, ever :) :) :) baby, i love you. i loved the trip, i loved the company, i loved the surprise, i loved the present, i love being lazy with you, i love taking walks with you, i love how you comfort me, i love how you hold me, i love how you kiss me, i love every little thing about you :) but tonight, you won't be by my side no more :( i miss you already. thank you very much baby :) for always being there for me. i really don't know what i'd do without you. -hugs you so tight-
i loved the surprise! thank you peiyu for taking the effort to take a 7 hour bus ride just to spend my big two with me. i love you so so so so so much too! the company was awesome! not forgetting sak! happy birthday to us! :D thanks for the little fruit pie, was awesome! all the heart talks, complains, stories, gambling hardcore, everything. it just made it so complete :) thank you both for the lovely surprise even though i have a lousy liar as my boyfriend. hahahah. i miss being retarded with you! hahahah i will never ever forget the glove incident at snow city. i promise to upload photos asap! we looked SO happy!
& not forgetting the people who tried to come but couldn't. thank you for even making the effort to consider coming! i appreciate it so much :)
& to ed-millia ong, thank you for trying to call :) thank you for remembering the promise you made! haha you're still very special to me :) please call me soon! we need to talk!!!
this trip was so special & i wouldn't have it any other way :)
i'm really upset but (quotes peiyu) 'you should care about the people who really do care about you' & everything else will fall into place.