20041218
once upon this broken heart of mine --
it was all those things you said to me. every lie you made me believe. days when i cared, days when i loved, days when i woke & felt those thousand nails in my heart. sometimes it's easier to give up than cry and keep on living in those lies.
is this what you want ? every finger points at me. this might be funny if it wasnt such a tragedy. after a while it gets hard to smile & pretend that things are okay.
im feeling super
high now. it's 0352AM. everyone's asleep & i have absolutely NO ONE to talk to. how great. whatever. so many things going through my mind now ! confused. depressed. whatever you call it. rah ! :/
the lyrics of this song's quite true i guess ? damn cute. ha.
VERSE 1:
i heard my teacher say
its time to concentrate
at the numbers here in my book
but all i think about
would like to shout it out
that your the boy inside of my heart
i wonder if some day
you will come to me and say
some of those words i keep on hearing in my mind
CHORUS:
still i wish upon a star
and i wonder where you are
in my dreams you're here beside me
never far
thinking maybe, maybe not
but i think of you a lot
'cause you are the boy inside my heart
VERSE 2:
im writing down the words
thats filling up my world
your name is spinning 'round in my head
i wait outside the school
i guess that im a fool
but i just need to look in your eyes
i wonder if some day you will come up to me and say
some of those words i keep on hearing in my mind
CHORUS
i close my eyes and give you a kiss
and 'cause you're the boy that lives inside my heart
CHORUS x 2
//
i need a hug. im starting to miss everyone ! :((
03:33
20041217
if this is your decision
then there’s nothing i can do.
i dontknow what to say now. i dontknow where to start. i dontknow how to handle a complicated heart :/ kinda sucks. blah. whatever. never mind. jus forgive me if i were nasty alright ? i didnt mean it.
out the whole day today AGAIN. got woken up by some renovation that they're doing upstairs ? bloody hell. early in the morning & they're drilling some shit over there. fuck it. anyway, met
qin to return her shoes ! :D you pig ! sorry i took so long dear ! but glad ta see you LAH. i'll miss you ! your plane jus took off today ! :( hurry come back okay ?
then met
pauline ! oh my gosh ! I MISS THAT GIRL LIKE HELL OKAY ! so glad she's back ! hahaha & i suppose im the first IMPORTANT person she saw ever since she touched down last night. hahaha ! :p anyhows, headed down to heeren cos she needed ta get something from there fer christmas. heh. went chaos ta find something fer her. then
xun came ta find me ta pass me something she got fer donating. haha. BUT i dontknow why the fuck she did that shit fer. hurr. nvm. i'll forgive her jus this ONCE. one time ONLY. fullstop.
then went shopping around aimlessly. haha. jus walked here & there trying ta find something fer my woman ! haha. from heeren to far east then OG to john little, followed by robinsons then john little AGAIN. haha. then later finally left. jus sat at the station & talked about stuff. heh :) i miss that girl like ALOT la ! she's damn bloody cute ! OMG. cant wait ta go out with the rest next week ! :))
after that she had ta leave so i jus sat there alone stonning :/ was waiting fer xun ta come get her stuff la ? so jus stone & stone & STONE. saw many ppl looking at me thinking i was some CRAZY FREAK. hurr. so nice to stare arh ? bloody hell. okay. err was waiting till my legs got numb. so jus stood up & decided ta go city link ta walk. hate doing stuff alone but cant help it la. so jus went into ig's heaven. saw some stuff i can get. shall bring more money out the next time. then went to hallmark. read practically ALL the cards on the shelf ! haha then went to happy haus. the BIG COLOURFUL HEART ! :( haha. ahwells ! then went to read magazines. haha. SYLVESTER ROCKS ! he's on the cover page on cleo ! hahahah. so is taufik la. but .. HAHAH ! :D completed like two magazines la. then she still wasnt here yet. so jus went outta the shop & started stonning again. then FINALLY she came after almost two hours ! hurr. but never mind la :) haha as usual, we made rounds & rounds. lol. from raffles city to city link mall. back & forth. hahaha. damn funny. crapped & talked la. haha. then she went off. so i left too. got dinner then came home. damn full now ! sister's finally home after one night out ! missed her !
anyway, the seniors just organised an assessment fer those who couldnt make it fer mini com ! oh my shit. so much to study ! hurr. this sunday there's the bnco exam too ! sheesh ! okay nvm. i shall do it ! since i lost my chance of getting into zone com, now i have another chance ! shall do my best. though i may not be one of the better ones, at least i know i tried. haha. what positive thinking huh ? :l ignore that.
anyhows ! listening ta an jing now. it's reminding me of the short cartoon clip, which reminds me of stuff ! freakkkk. someone please help me ? :(
you tore my whole life apart. i cant believe this is happening to me. it's driving me insane !
23:33
20041216
fuck what i said,
it don't mean shit now.
feeling so confused all of a sudden now. like why the hell am i thinking about it in the first place. not like anyone knows about what im thinking. serious. no one knows. ahwells. i'll jus try to shut down that part fer awhile.
anyways, got woken up today by my mom's call. parents finally went down ta help me get my textbooks. they were not sure if they should get whatever i told them to so they jus had to get my freakin' brother to wake me up. HURR. was super tired ! so as usual, couldnt get back to sleep. so jus lazed around till my parents came home with lunch.
then my irritating asshole brother went to eat my lunch la ! he ate whatever he wanted & left me with all those he doesnt like ! & what he doesnt like happens to be what i dont like ! i was like damn fucking pissed with him la. so i jus screamed at him. hurr. too bad. after lunch, mom was bugging me to pack the haus. i was like thinking 'oh my God. i HAVE to get outta haus !' ooops. heh. so i jus told her i was going out. HAHA.
met
xun at orchard mrt. was deciding where to go so we made one BIG round till we finally ended up at wisma's macs. hurhur. funny. haha. crapped ALOT with that pig ! seriously ALOT la ! haha cant imagine how we did that too ! lol. was supposed to be doing my homework. but, of cos i didnt complete a single shit. LOL. was too busy talking & crapping with her. haha ! then she kept saying there was no need to do it. that lazy pig ! haha. ahwells. saw
sai !
someone must be SUPER jealous right now ! haha. -winks
didnt wanna continue doing my work anymore. so left macs cos we were both damn cold. walked round & round the same place fer dontknow how many times ! haha hilarious man. love crapping with her ! had a great time la ! :D later on she had to leave so, went to eunos ta meet my parents. they made me wait fer so long before they came la ! then my stupid brother was giving me shit. didnt let me in the car ? then later say wanna sleep on me ? wth. could have jus slapped his face man ! hurr. ahwells. who ask him to be my brother. cant help but give in to him sometimes. hurr. anyway, they brought me to one of my favourite places ! :D :D
after that, came home. watched a lil' television & then came online. how boring. there's like nothing to do ! im super shagged but im sure i cant get to sleep so early. hurr.
i feel so different now
it all feels so different now
i had you in my life once
i had the feeling of the real thing once
but now you're gone
and that's all gone
inside, i held on to you once
i never knew there were two of us once
but now i'm alone
and it's all gone
i gave my body and my mind to you once
i thought it all revolved around you once
i know better now
but i'm too far gone
i would've died for you once
and i thought it would've mattered to you once
but now you're gone
and i'm so far gone
and i'm wrapping my arms around myself
i'm free
i hold on to all that i am
but i know that the one i hold is dying
i feel so different now
it all feels so different now.
im feeling so confused ! :(( no one can really understand la. actually, no one knows. sigh.
my world's become so empty. the days are so cold & lonely.
23:03
mm. jus wanted to leave messages :)
xun;
hey ! thanks fer being there the past two days ! :) but today was seriously hell fer me. sorry i ranted at you so many times :( so sorry. i really didnt mean it but it was really bad. sigh. you know right ? hurr :/ i dontknow la. but anyway, sorry. okay ! we shall chill together, remember ! haha. yeah ! promise me you'll continue holding on yes ? dont ever give up ! SMILE :D one last thing, you're NEVER alone ! you hear me ? NEVER ! you told me i could call you if i were feeling down. so can you okay ? :) dont hesitate ! haha jus pick the phone up & call me ! :D :D hahahah love !
sean;
YOU ! haha. you're sleeping now ! you'd better be ! hahah anyway, thanks fer being there fer the past two days ! looks like we've been taking turns, trying ta cheer each other up ! hahaha. im proud to announce that you did it ! heh. bet you didnt realise that i was laughing throughout the whole conversation later on ! haha ! :D oh, remember what you promised me ? haha. we'll pull through this together ! i know you can do it ! well, anything God is alwis there listening to you alright ? & im alwis jus a phone call away ! haha yeap ! thanks fer all the other stuff too. yeap. glad i poured everything out eventually. haha. ahwells ! we can do this alright ? :)) seeya ! x)
jingyu;
you're like FINALLY back la you idiot ! you have no idea how much i missed you ! hurr ! you were gone fer SO LONG ! but no matter how much i missed you, i bet you missed me even MORE ! haha :D we shall meet up soon OKAY ? you better make time fer the princess ! hahaha ! ;)
pauline;
know you're outta town but I MISS MY WOMAN ! :((
jinghui;
I MISS YOU LIKE GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH ! :((
the bitching gang;
OH MY MAMA. i miss you guys ALOT ! :( school's reopening soon ! haha bitching will resume but so will school. eeps :/ dontknow if that's supposed to be good or bad ! but whatever it is, i miss the times we spent together ! :(
bel;
YOU ASSHOLE, IDIOT, BASTARD, BITCH, whatever anyone can think of ! haha. cheerup ! dont worry, i'll support you no matter what you do alright ? you're my bitch after all ! & i miss you too ! :( we've been talking about going out till now :/ ahwells !
I can't go any further now, only if you come with me
Only if you can take my hand and hold me in your arms
If you come and look into my eyes, I'II see it all more clearly
All of the tears you've seen my cry
You'll take them all away
If you come and open up my eyes and hold me
Take me away and ease my mind
Just come and hold me tight
Whenever you're gone it's lonely
Whenever you're gone I can't face the light of day
It's too many times I've been on my own
With a burning in my heart
Whenever you're gone
Look at the face you see before you, can't you be open to me
Can't you believe what we have, don't throw it away
Believe in me now don't criticize, it's only the beginning
Can't you believe these desperate eyes,
Believe in what we say
If you came and open up me eyes and hold me
Then I can open up my mind, and I will hold you tight
Whenever you're gone it's lonely
Whenever you're gone I can't face the light of day
It's too many times I've been on my own
With a burning in my heart
Whenever you're gone
I miss you so, and friends don't understand
When I don't want to speak
When you're gone I feel so alone
And I can't sleep for crying, and deep inside I feel like dying
Whenever you're gone it's lonely
Whenever you're gone I can't face the light of day
It's too many times I've been on my own
With a burning in my heart
Whenever you're gone
God ! help ! :(
fuck it. fuck every single shit your have been doing ! argh ! jus FUCK IT ! c'mon ! get real man ! dont play with me. fullstop. HURR :/
super bad mood today. kinda vented it on my mom. sorry ! :(
141204
out with
qin ! that stupid girl made me wait fer her fer ONE HOUR ! felt like slapping her face ! hurr :/ but anyway, went wisma. haha saw this really nice pair of pants. loved it but it was damn expensive. so jus dumped it back first. heh. then walked on & on. crapped alot of shit with that pig la. haha. then went taka. walked around. nothing much. heh. off ta cine ta get movie tickets. saw
xun, anna & the rest of
elephant there. yeap ! haha. then got tickets fer
briget jones diaries two. surprised they didnt even check our ic ! :D :D haha.
then walked around at heeren. met xun they all quite a few times ! haha. super funny. took neos ! then walked around before leaving ta watch the movie. the show was quite okay. quite funny la. but it wasnt as nice. yeap. after that went back to get the pants, then sent qin off.
met xun after that. had a nice long talk with her in the middle of orchard ! walau sit there also must spend money sia. walau. dont do shopping also spend money. hurr. ahwells. nice talking to that girl la. we jus sat there & crapped fer two over hours ?! omg. there was this guy who approached her & said to her "SIR, can please give me one dollar to fly back to dontknow where ? please SIR ?" i was laughing like shit ! hahahahahaha ! super funny ! :p then later she sent me off la. cos i had to go home & she had ta meet the rest. yeap. came home, didnt really get a scolding. haha. mom told me the government gave me a hundred & fifty bucks fer my good progress award this year. LOL. couldnt stop laughing. ahwells ! :)
today nothing much la. laid i bed till around one plus then finally dragged myself out. haha. had lunch then watched some tv. after that mom wanted to go shopping so i jus went with her. had to be stuck with me brother though :/ anw, went taka to get my brother's christmas present. then to wisma, then to scots. how boring ! went with her to see jewellery ? omg. can die man. but .. aiyah my mom hardly gets outta the haus so let her enjoy la. anw, got dinner then came home. yeap nothing much.
jus learnt about something. fuck it man. stop being so childish. get a fucking life. i have no comments anymore. hurr. sorry fer this entry. in a real bad mood. fuck. i hate this.
20041214
dontknow why i've been crying lately. sigh :(
i'm sorry i didn't mean to call you
but i couldn't fight it
i guess i was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so i surrender just to hear your voice
i know how many times i said i'm gonna to live without you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know
that deep inside me i feel like i'm dying
i have to see you it's all that i'm asking
baby, give me back my fantasies
the courage that i need to live
the air that i breathe
livin' with out you, my world's become so empty
my days are so cold and lonely
and each night i taste the purest of pain
i wish i can tell you that i'm feeling better everyday
that i didn't hurt when you walked away
but to tell you the truth i can't fine my way
that deep inside me i feel like i'm dying
i have to see you it's all that i'm asking
baby, give me back my fantasies
the courage that i need to live
the air that i breathe
livin' with out you, my world's become so empty
my days are so cold and lonely
and each night i taste the purest of pain
baby, give me back my fantasies
the courage that i need to live
the air that i breathe
livin' with out you, my world's become so empty
my days are so cold and lonely
and each night i taste the purest of pain
baby, give me back my fantasies
the courage that i need to live
the air that i breathe
livin' with out you, my world's become so empty
my days are so cold and lonely
and each night i taste the purest of pain
i'm sorry i didn't mean to call you
but i couldn't fight it
i guess i was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so i surrender just to hear your voice
02:26
dont be stupid.
giving up is not the only solution.
stop being such an ass.
finally back from camp ! everyone missed me right ? :D :D :D camp rocked ! :D
first day of camp:
was almost late la ! couldnt find the damn opening fer the school ! walau ! anw didnt expect myself to survive first day of camp. haha i almost fainted man ! saw this ray of bright light then was damn giddy. couldnt take it so jus sat on the floor :/ omg. felt so weak. but after that was okay la. did camping & campcraft. then knots & lashings. trainings were damn tough. then had CPR thingy followed by drills. dinner after that. then had lectures all the way ! BORING MAN ! walau. was damn fucking tired can ? was trying not ta fall asleep ! but the stars that night were damn fucking nice ! OMG ! first time i saw so many stars in my whole entire life ! with my hearttalker ! :D :D :D :D :D so damn happy ! at night they had fire drill :/ was damn shagged man !
second day:
pt was fun ! hahahaha though my stitch was like killing me. breakfast was okay la. did map reading cos we supposingly needed it fer the hike :/ it was damn boring ! wanted so much ta slp la ! heh. then had outdoor cooking. didnt eat anything cos i was too busy feeding siya which was sick. poor girl. then some shit person said sth which is like totally not true la ! but i hope so la. hahahah. did most of the washing man. haha. the hike was hell fer me. gastric acted up & i was like dying ! serious ! but they guys were damn nice la. they offered ta help me carry my bag but i refused. thanks guys but no thanks. know your are tired too la :) thanks anyway :D walked all the way to east coast park from bedok green ! then back ! wth. can die man ! if my stomach wasnt killing me, it would have been fine. but .. hurr :/ bathed then had dinner. haha. after that had lectures which were totally boring. as usual la. heh. ahwells. cant rmb what else. OH ! we prepared fer our campfire item ! funny ! HAHAHAH. princess boon ping ! laughed quite abit :D
third day:
haha cant remember anything but GAMES, GAMES & MORE GAMES ! haha wet games were FUN ! the best man ! but that's where i got all my injuries :( owl was our opponent. but we got along quite well i must say. hahaha. we rock ! lol. okay firstly, i fell down. i slipped. haha BUT i managed ta hug xun & got her a lil' wet ! LOL ! hahahaha. i rock dont i ? hahaha. then during the log game, they were rushing so they accidentally pushed they log right into my ankle. it was bleeding but luckily no sprian. heh. but other than that, everything went GREAT ! :D :D :D fun la the games ! heh ! campfire was GOOD ! hahahhaha. super fun ! cos priscilia & i were like damn hyper ! & the guys were practically bullying us throughout. hurr. haha. screamed & shouted so much ! had loads of fun man ! haha. sabo-ed xun ! yay ! HAHAHAH :D :D then had supper. omg they let us rest our heads on the table twice, & i fell asleep twice. LOL. that was how tired i was ! heh oh yah ! i broke a record on that day ! i finished my food ! haha wanted so much to puke okay ! who ask me to get stuck with the guys. hurr. they keep bullying me la ! esp sean ! HURR. wanna slap him already. they say i cant finish my food, i finished it fer them ta see. hahaha. see im so determined :D ahwells. so i set a new record ! LOL :P
last day:
well, it was damn freakin' cold in the morning so i was wearing my jacket throughout. then during pt i was dying cos both my legs were hurting like shit. jus that i didnt wanna fall out. so continued. so i think i kinda worsen my injuries. but anw, i could not take it was my stich was hurting so badly. so i jus came out. then xun was taking care of me as usual. haha then she bullied me :/ breakfast was okay. but i realised i was late fer my freakin' alw. so i was rushing all the way without considering my stupid legs. hurr. ahwells.
went fer alw. it wasnt that boring. it was okay la. haha. then went fer mass. it was all so rushed ! then finally came home after dinner. was super shagged la ! then i think i was in quite a bad mood cos sleepy mah. then fought with my family. damnit. i should have cooled down. hurr. ranted at so many ppl. sorry ! :( i really didnt mean it guys ! sorry. then my haus had a trip :/ was slpg without air con la ! walau. kinda cried myself ta sleep that night. horrible :/
this morning mom woke me up jus ta see her specs cos she wasnt feeling too comfortable about it. walau eh :/ was damn fucking tired sia. didnt sleep too well cos i kept on waking up. but woke up & went with her anw. im such a good daughter. hahaha. wanted ta make a specs but my mom was like so unwilling so .. yeah. jus sat there msg-ing ppl. haha. got food home & rushed ta cut our hair. heh. mom did her hair till 2115hrs ! walau. i was there since THREE ! wth. haha rotting there sia. can die man ! :/ but anw, i jus cut my fringe & it took only one minute. then i was so bored so i asked my mom if i coulg highlight my hair. she agreed ! :D it's my christmas present. hahaha. how stupid. but i like it anw. heh :D spent like almost four hundred bucks there ! was only supposed to do certain stuff but did more than that so, heh. everything was quite expensive. omg. i LOVE my sister's highlight ! hurr RED ! damn nice ! so unfair i cant do that colour. hurr :/ but anw, got dinner & headed home. haha waited fourty five minutes & no cab came so, called fer one. what the heck. two stupid asses snatched out cab okay ! hurr. damn pissed off ! but the cab driver was NUTS ! he was like driving at hundred & twenty kilometers per hour !? walau ! then his driving was quite reckless la ? hurr. i almost died ! :/ finally came home & took my dinner. haha. yeah that's all. feeling so tired now but dont really wanna go sleep. heh. havent bathed yet :/ oh wells.
i miss camp ! :(( i really do ! :( leopard rocks !
LEOPARD ! BAO BAO ! :D :D