FUCK EVERY GOD DAMNED THING.
you haven't got a clue what i'm going through.
& so the story goes on.
never ending.
screw it.
fuck.
I wanna live my life in a fairytale,
where princess & dreams come alive.
I see my red door and it has been painted black.AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! i really need to scream! everything is stressing the hell outta me! suddenly remember the long hours the few of us spent at pipes during secondary one. haha can't believe how time flies. three years ago, i was the young, depressed, innocent girl. & now, i still am. RAHHHHH. fuck.
anyway, i can't wait till school's over tomorrow. i want the holidays back. i haven't had enough of it yet. i'm too tired to carry on. school is filled with nothing but tests, tests, & more tests. fuck. & the best thing is that i fail them when i take the effort to study for them. it's seriously fucked up la. so demoralizing! i totally agree with qin. I GIVE UP! :/
school was alright today. just that i wasn't exactly in a very good mood. haha. not good! mmhmmm. well, took the mathematics test this morning & it was kinda easy laaaaaa. haha :) then we had history which was a total chatting session. haha & come to think of it, i'm still feeling so insulted. fucking bitch. DON'T INSULT LESBIANS! >:/ by saying what you did in that particular message, you just totally turned yourself against lesbianism! & you're gonna get condemned! haha. there goes, you're screwed! HAHAHAHAH! i wonder why i'm so insulted when the actual party is not. haha! oh well! you'll get it one day.
rah. PE was boring. total shit. mr ho was just trying to waste time cause it was raining & we couldn't play in the field. so the oh-so-very smart him decided to carry on THEORY lessons. how very interesting. so much for a break huh? rah. haha but upon seeing the soccer elective people playing in the rain, he decided that since ms lim gave the thumbs up, he shall too. haha so retarded. so we played a few rounds of improvised softball. bad elective to choose. fucking boring. nothing but a waste of my time. hurr.
recess with the clique :) realised how much i really miss us! sigh. sometimes things are like right in front of you but you don't see them. it's only when you lose them that you start to treasure them. fuck it. why are humans made this way? :( it's so unfair.
anyhow, the rest of the day was just slacking all the way la. failed my fucking chemistry paper which i studied for. finally the only chapter in the whole textbook which i understand & i failed. mrs leong is gonna be so disappointed in us cause all five of us failed. haha but, all our marks are close to passing :D now maybe that's something to be proud of! :D
slept through assembly cause it was so utterly boring! haha. was so tired! then had an afternoon with qin for awhile till she had to do her english literature group work with nicole & gwen. so i just studied social studies. haha or rather attempted to. but the table was way too tempting, i fell asleep. HAHA. oh well!
rushed back for tuition only to find out that my brother was sick & that he wasn't gonna tuition with me today. i was so fucking pissed. i mean, what's the fucking use of still taking chinese tuition when my fucking paper is over. hurrr. it's so annoying me! i swear. so yeah, just crapped all the way out through tuition. one word, BORING.
i can't wait till all these are gonna be over! seriously, i need my life back! everyone knows me for my busy schedules of tuition la. fuck it. I HATE MY LIFE.
I HATE MYSELF MORE :(
to hell with everything. so stressful. when will all these be over? i need a fucking break. i want you & i still want my chocolates :( sigh. everything's fucked up. screw it. i don't know what to do.
Girl, I wanna be where ever you are.
Only you know right where to go.
Walking down the road,
that leads to who knows where.last wednesday was gooood :) it was a school holiday cause of i don't know what reason, neither do i care, but yeah. haha spent it with my dear scandal, qin! :) i guess we caught up a little. hearttalked too :) didn't have any idea how much i missed her till then. haha yeah yeah qin, i can't do without you. haha.
don't know why i suddenly wanted to mention qin, but yeah. haha just felt like la.
anyway, today was alright i guess. just another day of my fucked up life. sigh. i wonder when things are finally gonna go my way again & when things are gonna stay right. i wish i could have what i want. oh well! i had an awesome morning though :D for me to know & for you to find out. haha.
went for chemistry tuition soon after! was late by half an hour. sorry peiyu. haha. then headed down to takashimaya, coffee bean to study. our school's crazy. three tests all dumped into one day. plus all will end before recess! the best man. haha i think we'll just all be too drained to concentrate on anything after recess. haha or at least just for me.
we left at about 1830h for home. was kinda dreading it actually. don't know why, i just suddenly dread coming home all over again. i just wanna be alone, all by myself. i'd rather commit suicide now than have to go through all these. i can't stand it. i hate it. stupid life. i'd rather die & help watch over the people i love from heaven. sigh.
i hate the way i'm feeling :(
i feel like going back to the swing, back to where the stars are. i wanna bring time back to last night. i want last night back right now. hurr. fuck it la.
I'd do anything, just to be back in your arms again.
I don't wanna miss you.
Cause missing you hurts.
Every fucking thing is going wrong now in my life. I may seem like the luckiest girl on this living earth (qin, hell no!) but i seriously doubt so. I used to be able to get everything I want. But now everything just seems so far away. Sigh.
I hate my life.