20030913
" to dream is but a distant memory. to live is just a feeling sadly missed though not forgotten. like you, im just human. like you, i miss the happy times. like you, i laugh, play and sing with the people who ive known and come to call as my friends. like you, i have feelings. unlike you, i care for other people's feelings. in years to come, i may forget wht you have said but ill never ever forget how you made me feel. hate me if you must cos one day youll see wht hatred really is. crazy as i might be going on and on in incoherent sentences it doesnt matter. one day the world would comprehend wht i ramble abt. one day vrethg will come to light. play that requiem for me because im already gone. play that sweet sound of that requiem for me because ive sung it all along. "
ripped this off someone's blog. idontknw who's. think its really meaningful? dontknw la. but i just think its nice so decided to blog it to share it wit your la. yepps. it doesnt go out to anyone. i mean the "you". im not referring it to anyone. yepps. dont get the wrong idea.
00:59
20030911
sighh. dontknw anythg. vrethg seems to be changing. whywhywhy? cried while talking to her online. dontknw why her words just hit me so badly i just cldnt take it any longer? i mean .. im weak. alot of pple knw tht. and seriously im. telling you now. i may seem strong but im not. im not who you think im. vretime i seem happy im not. deep dwn inside me. do you evn understand? i told you i was sorry but you said the prob lies in you? its not. i mean .. evr since tht incident vrethg changed. i mean like .. dont you think so? idontknw la. i may say thgs which i dont mean at all? im sorry alryt? yea. just wanta say im very very sorry la. idontknw wht wrong ive done to make thgs liddat but anyhow im sorry. sighh.
cut my hair today. its qt short now. but my sister keeps saying it has no diff but i can feel the huge diff. haiis. ohwells. watched turnleft turnright for the second time today. watched it wit jingyu yest. so touching. teared so many times. sighh. dontknow la. dont feel like blogging anymre. just know tht im in a never before mood now. :/ but all i knw is tht im very very sorry if your thought tht way. sighh. just sorry.
23:43
im tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
i dont know what youre expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
every step that i take is another mistake to you
ive become so numb
i cant feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
im becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you
cant you see that youre smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought i would be
has fallen apart right in front of you
every step that i take is another mistake to you
and every second i waste is more than i can take
but i know
i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you
20030909
illusions
so scary! oh my goodness! vrethg is so freaky now! eeps :/ freakyfreaky
freaky! all thnks to jingyu la. she said tht vrethg was getting freaky and sure it is! :| oh mann. kks. mms. met jingyu at 12. walked to library la. danfong wasnt there yet but anw we saw valerie and jasmine and company la. thn jingyu started to talk to jasmine abt smethgs la. haha. jingyu told me alot of thgs too. haha. how freaky manns! if i were in her shoes .. i dontknow wht id do! haha.
but anw went pizza hut aft tht. so stupid loh. they didnt tell us tht the discount was only aft 13 30 thn we ordered our food only to find out tht we had to pay more in the end. wth. haii. but nvm la. thn went to kfc to meet danfong, jiayi, jenny and urm carolanne i think. yea. thn studied la. cant believe tht i act finished my math worksheets. haha but got alot of blanks la. but at least i tried? yepps. thn walked ard wit jingyu la. haha. we slacked most of the time la. yepps. thn walk and walk. talk and talk. eat and eat. haha. oh yah! i hafta complain. we bought this urm drink thgy at the library whn we walked there. thn it tasted so horrible kks! like wth loh! threw away the whole cup of drink lehs! so waste money lehs! :/ whtevr la. you can say we ate
alot today! mms. going to grow so fatfatfat! :/ ohwells. thn danfong and company left at ard 5 plus.
so me and jingyu headed to the library agn cos tht silly woman wanted to? haha. thn studied there la. found out tht my slippers the flower thgy broke! so in the end i had to tear off all the flowers? duno la. but smethg liddat la. ate brownie before we left. only liked the ice cream. hehe. anw thn jingyu left me all alone! haha. but not her fault also la. walked a long long way to the mrt station. thn .. the freaky thg started. :/
dont feel like talking abt it alr. gives me goosebumbs! eeps :/ anythg go read jingyu's blog. haha. see how freaked out she was whn i told it to her on the phone. haha. talked to her on the phone la. yepps. thn told her. oh mann. too lazy to continue la. hands tired. hehs*
22:00
caught a glimpse of heaven
in your eyes //
mms. i dontknow whts wit me. i seem to be addicted to this computer of mine agn. parents also starting to complain agn. haii. wht can i do right. the hols are so so so boring. hehs. but at least ltr ill be meeting jingyu (: haha. cant wait cos like i think i have plenty of thgs to complain to her? sighh. dontknow la. dont care either :/ anyhow heard tht danfong and her friends wld be there too! haha. yay. mms. come to think of it, today wld be qt a nice day ehh? haha. wld be seeing 2 of my wonderful friends! (: -widegrin. hehe. im so crap today. ohwells. aint it gd? beta thn me whn im in bad mood. haha. whtevr.
oh!! the best thg is tht my parents going to drop me at the bus stop at thomson plaza there? haii. still hafta take bus there myself. hope my dad wld be able to send me and jingyu to amk library? but i doubt so. but at least i dont hafta take bus all the way to amk la. haha. (: im so optimistic today huh?
last night was horrible cos i act dreamt of
them? wth. idontwant! at least tht was the last thg id thought id dream of. wtf loh. ihateyour! damnit. alr got so much probs thn your come and add to my heavy load? fuck la. mms. shant allow
them to spoil my mood. haha. but i cant believe tht i dreamt of
them. like so shit kks! but act come to think of it, its act qt funny lehs. dreamt tht i helped one of
them cut hair. thn i purposely cut ugly ugly? duno la. haha. so funny kks! mms. ohwells. dontknow and
dontcare.
talking to stef now. haha he's so sweet. asked him smethg thn he was like so blur? always liddat one. haha. forever making me laugh abt nthg? idontknow la. hahas. just know im in this crazy mood now! whee! (: -laughs. haha. oh mann. been such a long time since i was liddat. hehs. is this gd or bad?
20030908
loving is not how you forget but how you forgive
not how you listen but how you understand
not what you see but how you feel
and not how you let go but how you hold on.
sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one
who hurts you the most, and sometimes the friend
who takes you into his arms and cries when you cry
turn out to be the love you never knew you wanted.
a great love?
its when you shed your tears and still care for him/her,
its when he/she ignores you and still long for him/her.
its when he/she begins to love another
and yet you still smile and say im happy for you.
idontknow whts wit me but .. just had to go ard looking for smethg nice to blog. haha. realised tht this is so true. -pointsup- haha. danfong! :/ eeps. hafta talk to tht silly girl of mine. miss her like lotts? needa tell her so much! ohmygoodness. haha. need advice too? yea. her advice and 6th senses are always so true? it always happens! haha. ohwells. just hope shell come online or smethg? yea. but she wont :/ haha. just need someone to talk to but thn i think jingyu is slping alr? cos she's such a pigg? haha. kidding la. but i think she's tired la. shant disturb her. see how nice im? haha. so lame! ohwells. in a crazy mood now esp aft jana talked to me. she made me laugh a lil la. but thn she dont let me link her blog! :/ haii. nvm but anw dont feel like slping now. and duno who pauline talking to. called her thn she .. haha. nvm la. miss talking to her abt ahem manns. now it seems as though ive changed! haha. changed in smethg la. but i hope she'd still talk to me? i duno la. haha. im so .. urm weird today? ok fine i shall blog abt my day today.
went to turf city to eat lunch. grandma treated us. damn nice kks. ate at this resturant. so full now. haha. me and my sister were like so so so so so so lame? duno la. we were in this crazy mood? thn we just kept laughing and laughing. no one cld stop us. haha. kks. this is wht we said
sis : are you thinking wht im thinking lamer?
me : i think im LOSER !(laughing and laughing)
haha. thn we crapped smethgs and laugh and laugh. haha. rarely whn im in these kinda mood. :/ how sad. thn went duno where la. grandma gave each of us $10. haha. thn i was playing wit my sister in the car whn her skin got hooked onto the seat belt thgy? haha. thn her skin tore and was left stuck there kks! so disgusting! :/ haha. was laughing but thn her wound just started bleeding and bleeding non stop. so scary! haha. but anw i think it has stopped? tuition wasnt tht bad la. didnt get a scolding cos i studied and eventually i got all right except for one wrong which i got a scolded for it? ohwells. very gd alr. haha. break record. was talking to my tcher. she's nice at times la. haha. yea.
dont feel like blogging alr. duno why also. think im having a mood swing now? duno la. just know vrethg is so diff! mms how many times have i said it? ohwells. meeting jingyu tmr to study. cant wait cos i think i really need a hugg? dont think i can carry on wit my life now like wth? dontknow la. i dontknow anythg anymre. vrethg is changing. esp
them damnit. :/ shit. i know im going into a real bad mood now! someone. anyone change my mood! :|
22:57
mms. i duno how im feelg right now? idontknow anythg. just know tht this silly expartner of mine is making me smile till my jaws hurt! (: haha. love tht silly gal alot! haha. she's always ard whnevr i need someone to talk to like now. haha. she really did cheer me up! love her lotts manns! (: haha. she said alot of thgs tht made me laugh and laugh. seems like she's the only one who cheered me up though she hardly knows anythg abt me? haha. she's so sweet! oh yah .. wed is our day right my dear? yea. its amanda, natalie and cheryl's day. haha. know why? cos always aft chi remedial we'd go out! haha. yea. and well always take neos. but the past few weeks did not take cos 8 beam was not working? :/ yea. but now its working alr cos i just took neos wit my twins yest! haha. yea. wx dear and jenn. yepps. shuyu didnt come cos she had to go home? yea. haii. must take wit her one day! haha. and i think i looked awful in the neos i took yest! wx and jenn looked so pretty. haii. nvm. i dont look gd anw. haha. alryt. think im in a crazy mood now thnks to my dear amanda! haha. loveherplenty! (: this post is typed out esp for her! hahas.
iloveyou plenty my dear!! (:
the sky has lost its color
the sun has turned to grey
at least thats how it feels to me
whenever youre away
i crawl up in a corner
as i watch the minutes pass
each one brings me closer to
the time when youll be back
youre comin back
i cant take the distance
i cant take the miles
i cant take the time until the next time i see you smile
i cant take the distance
and im not ashamed
that i cant take a breath without seeing your name
but i cant breathe a hurricane
and still be standing tall
when all the dust has settled down
but i cant take the distance
i still believe in feelings
but sometimes i feel too much
i make believe you're close to me
but it aint close enough
not nearly close enough
haii. dontknw how im feelg right now. wth. just saw smethg which totally changed my mood. fuck. damnit. why must your do this to me. finefinefine. hate me. backstab me whtevr.
i dont give a fucking damn. right. just dont knw wht your want frm me. kill me la. i dont mind at all! hurr. damnit. vrethg is going the opp way i want it to. great. how great can this get? so irritating!!!! :/ feel like strangaling (??) your now. wtf.
haii. idontknw la. vrethg is .. changing? nthg seems the same anymre.
we're in 2 diff world now how nice huh? :/ dont feel like bloging anymre. not in the mood to do anythg. just know tht ltr im going to have some fucking tuition and tht ill most likely have a beeeeeg scoldg frm her. see. i told you. im just so
optimistic huh? how
nice.